Irfan Baig - The Greatest Man Ever

Early Years (And we mean really early...)

Even before being born, Baig was affecting changes upon the world. It is widely believed, for example, that it was Baig's unborn spirit that turned the tide in World War II for the Allies and saved all the artists, homosexuals, Jews and non-facists in the world, making it a better place for everyone. Baig's spirit extended itself into a small bunker in Berlin and did away with the life of Adolf Hitler. It is understood that, at the time, the fetal ghost of Baig was not trying to save the world at all - rather, it's senses were merely offended by the poor diction in Hitler's book, Mein Kampf, and his blatant misuse of Nietzsche.

TV's Fonzie - Inspired by Baig

Birth

Birth of Baig

Not much else was heard from Baig thereafter - until 1978. It is believed the unborn spirit of Baig had gone into a quiet, meditative state in order to achieve a perfect birth. Finally, on February 16 1978, widely held as the best day ever, a miraculous event occurred - Baig was born into the world. Interviews with Baig's mother tell us that the birth was completely painless and, rather, filled with great joy. When asked what made Baig's birth such a pleasure, his mother describes a feeling of complete serenity and the warm notion that, finally, there may be True Peace in the world. Baig is an Aquarius, probably the best astrological sign, and his Chinese year of the Horse is considered by many to be superior to other animals.

Childhood

Heather Locklear - Still Devastated After Losing Baig

Spelling Bee rivals reflect on how great it feels to lose to Baig

By the time he was three years of age, Baig had graduated kindergarten with a 4.5 GPA. He was awarded the Dean's List yearly. It was here that Baig met the first love of his life, actress Heather Locklear of television's 'T.J. Hooker'. Women came easily to Baig because of his natural charm and compassionate soul. Sadly, the relationship did not last, as, at the age of four, Baig began touring the world to participate in the International Spelling Bee, and was thus separated from Locklear. However, not everything was glum for Baig - for the next six years that he participated in the Spelling Bee, Baig always won, shaming children often twice his age.

During his travels around the world, Baig met and spoke with several key players in all areas of human affairs. It came as no surprise then, that by the time he was ten years of age, the CIA snapped Baig up to aid them with international matters. It was agreed that formal education would only hold Baig back, and thus he was allowed to work from then on as a mature adult. In the documentary 'Great Things Have Happened', Larry Ellison of Oracle Corporation, a major database software company, muses at how they had to buy a special chair for Baig, to sit him higher at work. When pressed, however, he admits that this was only done in order to afford Baig the proper respect he deserved. "People were ... enraptured by him," says Ellison, "If you ever had a problem, yo, Baig would solve it."

Accomplishments

Due to the finite nature of contemporary storage mediums, it is impossible, at this time, to write a full listing of Baig's accomplishments. Please stay tuned, however - editors around the globe are currently reviewing Baig's history and a summary is in the works. Thank you for your patience.

Current Work